5 Reasons Why Talking Is Better Than Yelling.
Not everyone learns at the same pace. Some are slow learners, and some are fast. But Hey, is that a problem? When we learn something or anything. We don’t like to be yelled at. Do you? NO! Talking is better than yelling, but WHY talking is better than yelling? Discover the 5 reasons why talking is better than yelling in this article.
If you’re reading this article right now, you might be interested in how to communicate better with your child. Or you’re looking for a solution.
Before we get into the mumbo jumbo of it. Let me share a personal story…
When I was seven years old, I wanted to learn piano so much. I love music. So, I ask for piano classes from my parents, but my teacher was so horrible back then. She yells and hits my knuckles on my fingers with a wooden ruler.
Because of that, it made me hate going for classes. She would hit the knuckles on my fingers every class. Especially when my fingers are not in the right height or position. That made me lose interest and gave me fear of going for classes.
From that moment, I quit playing the piano. Why am I sharing this story with you?
You see… First, they’ll have the interest. Then all that happens… Lose interest. Lose faith. Instil fear and pain.
Now, let’s jump into some of it. Yes, it can be frustrating when you have to repeat yourself over and over again. Let’s look at it from a different angle. Put yourself in a five-year-old child’s shoes. Let’s take a five year old for example.
First of all, how we educate our children at home is different from everyone. I’ve seen two-year old’s conversing better than four-year old. I’ve seen seven-year old’s, conversing better than some of us adults. And all these children have different level of conversing. I’m impressed by a seven year old who talks to me about “Buoyant Force”. I mean, can you believe it? And we had a really good chat about it throughout his whole swim lesson.
My point is, in today’s world, not everyone has the freedom and time to stay home with our children. With that said, if we set the right mindset by communicating well with the young ones. I’m sure you’ll find this article interesting. There will also be some scripts for you to download for free.
So how exactly do we speak to them? Here’s 5 reasons why talking is better than yelling.
He or she loves water and jumps into a pool without any fear. But he or she is a slow learner. You have to keep repeating your instructions and they are constantly doing it wrong. When you get closer to them, they pull away and not wanting to listen to your instructions.
What do you do? [From a swimming coach’s experience]
Do you speak firmly?
Do you ignore them and let them do whatever they want?
Do you get so frustrated and just start yelling?
Do you take some time-out?
Now, here’s what happen after you yell.
- Your child will be afraid of you.
- Your child still won’t be able to do it.
- Your child will lose faith in you.
- Your child will lose interest.
- Your child won’t be expressive towards you.
Is your Child Afraid of You?
There’s a difference between yelling and speaking firmly. Tonality is the key to how you communicate with a child. As a swimming coach, handling one hundred kids over a period of seven days daily is pretty challenging. I don’t believe in yelling but speaking firmly to kids while in class is important.
That’s because we have to show an authority figure – Who’s the BOSS and why they have to listen and follow the instructions. The last thing you want is your child to be afraid of you. They’ll be afraid to tell you anything. So, be strict, firm and friendly.
Yelling Won’t Provide Achievement
Yes, we adults sometimes get into weird mood swings. For ladies, especially when it’s the time of the month. We’re all humans and we make mistakes. If we yell, your child still won’t be able to do it. No matter how many times you yell, they’ll get into the [afraid] mode.
One day, while I was teaching. I saw another swimming coach teaching another group of kids. To my surprise, he was yelling at the child for not swimming correctly. And from a distance, I could see that poor girl is crying and gasping for air. It wasn’t my place to say anything, so I left it as it is.
I looked around to see if that child’s parents are around and also witnessing what just happened. Shockingly, her mother is seated right next to her just watching the whole incident without doing anything. Why? Is that because, it’s the teacher’s responsibility on how to educate a student?
That’s not the way to do it, isn’t it?
She was frightened to continue her swimming lessons because she was yelled at pretty harsh.
I often get messages from parents asking me some advice on how to talk to their child. Agreeing to handling one hundred children in a week daily is not an easy task. I must’ve had so much patience, they say…
Therefore, my clients asked, how should I talk to my son or daughter. They’ll explain their situation and I’ll provide some scripts and examples. [No Selling is involved in this article]
One of my students’ mum sends me a message asking how she should talk to her son.
She explains: “His school teacher just sent me a text message saying he’s not finishing his homework and always not able to complete copying his homework from the blackboard. He’s also not responding to my questions. How not to be angry at him? I don’t know how to talk to him. Can you help me. I see you’re good at managing and handling kids”.
I shared some scripts with her and told her to be his friend instead of a mother. Have longer conversations with him instead of interrogation questions. Set a friendly tonality when speaking with a child that might be lacking confidence and low self-esteem.
She tried that, she changed her tonality and begin to listen to her son’s problems. You don’t want your child to lose faith in you. They’ll start holding their emotions and not look up to you for advice.
Is Your Child Losing Interest?
Watch for signs from your child. Is he or she just doing it for the sake of doing it? Following instructions and pleasing you? Is he or she has an interest in it? Speak to your child often about it.
Exploring their interest will be able to bring out the special talents in them. RJ Global Swim Mobile School recently organized a small get-together party. A friendly swimming competition and drawing contest.
Little as we know, there was so much talent in those kids. Without any art classes background or experience, they drew beautifully. I was impressed and no doubts, parents were proud and impressed with how a small function with drawing competition can bring so much change in their young ones.
The motivation and determination they show which has never been seen before is an excellent change.
It’s ok to try anything and everything while young. That’s the only way to find out what interest they have. May it be in sports, arts and crafts, academically, reading books, etc.… etc…
No Expression From Your Child
Now, this might be one of the most challenging issues. When you ask a question, you don’t get an answer. When you tell something, there’s no reaction. You must be thinking how to get a child to open up and talk when this happened. Take a look at both the script given and you will find at least one useful.
There are 2 types of “No Expression”
Scared with no expression – Happy and chatty throughout. But the moment they face fear or a drop of self-confidence, they’ll freeze and won’t say anything. If you’re reading this right now, you may find this script helpful. [Click here for my secret script]
Shy with no expression – Shy when not around immediate family members. Limited words spoken, follows instructions well and will never complain about anything. He or she won’t say NO to something that’s been told to do. They’ll just accept it and won’t speak up even if they can’t take it.
This can be dangerous, and it may lead to disinterest someday if not being dealt with. If you know someone or your child is having this issue, you might be interested in this script. [Click here for my secret Script].
About the author: Racheal Tan is the founder of RJ Global Swim Mobile. She is a full time Swimming Coach who teaches seven days a week. She is dedicated to her students and have taught 178 children since 2016. Ever since she quit the corporate world of Medical Sales. In pursuing her dreams and passion of teaching. Her goal is to Motive, Inspire and create Opportunities to make the world a better place. She’s also a certified Closer and a Copywriter by DanLok University
Disclaimer: This article is being written purely from experience. The author is NOT from any psychological background nor a certified psychiatrist.